living life or existing?

This is the question that I began to ponder a while back and the answer more often than not began to bother me.  God has granted me eternal life right?  And yet, it seems a lot of the time I seem accepting of a life of simple existence.  Riding the current of an all too quick stream of life with no control or idea where I am going or why.  In fact, it seems during these times my best opportunities to realize what was going on and reevaluate is when I have crashed ashore exhausted and disoriented.  It is scary how fast time passes and how little life has actually been lived.  My desire is to be living life, sensitively listening to God and following his current to experience full life.  The thing is, this is something that won't just occur by happenstance because I roll out of bed each more and wish it so.  Unfortunately, I tend to be complacent and lazy too much of the time.  Living life won't occur without effort, planning and determination.  I need to attack this type of life with the same intensity that I am forced to attack school or work.  The studying (time w/ God in prayer, scripture, meditation, etc) effort will produce the results (fulfilled life) only in accordance with the consistency, quantity & quality of that time allows.  God give me the strength to allow for that time, the determination to follow through, and the grace for myself when I fall short.  

Meditation-- on What?

"But his (the blessed man) delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night."  I was convicted by this as I read it the other day.  You see, my life at this point is spent at a consistently frenetic pace.  In the midst of this blur of activity I do meditate or dwell on my plans, dreams, concerns, etc.  It is alarming, however, how little of that meditation is spent centered on God, His word, His plan for my life, and His provision.  Unfortunately, more often than not I spend that time imagining how I can accomplish this or that, or what I need to do to get a certain thing done.  This is not at all a bad practice generally speaking.  However, void of the meditation that the psalmist speaks of I know it will be impossible to be "firmly planted" as the passage goes on to say.  I have noted how often I feel like life is spiraling at times and I believe that occurs when my "root system" has become to shallow to withstand the winds and storms.  Also, I wonder how much my "delight" is on that law of God and His direction for me versus the obligation I feel I must meet.  I want to develop a meditation on the Lord that will guide, influence, and direct my meditations on subjects of school, work, family, church, etc.  As I do this, I would hope that it would be my delight for His direction that brings me back more than an obligation.  Still striving.....

Giants Fans, Bonds, and Steroids

For the last number of years I have heard national media from everywhere criticize Giants fans for their love and applause for Barry Bonds in spite of the mounting evidence of steroid and or HGH use.  It was amazing how Giants fans became mindless followers of Bonds who loved him for or in spite of everything he did.  At least, this is perception that was certainly given.   The truth of the matter was there were quite a few Giants fans like myself who did not particularly enjoy Barry Bonds the person and all that he stood for but, as a Giants fan,  I wanted to see the team do well and as long as he was able to play the Giants were a better team with him in there.  This is also the reason why I cheered for him when he got to the plate or made the occasional good play in the outfield.  My cheering was not an endorsement of what he had done or him personally any more than is a fans cheering for accused wife batterer is their condoning of that act.  We, as fans, root for the name on the front of the uniform and because of that we root for the name on the back.  As a general rule it is not the other way around.  I find it ironic now that after all these years where San  Francisco was the epicenter of the baseball steroid world it has become apparant that steroids were pervasive everywhere and with every team.  And most fans, whether knowingly or not cheered for a steroid abuser at some point in time in cheering for their team.  Again, as a fan I don't particularly feel horrible about that because we are rooting for the athletes between the lines.  Sure I would love everyone to have a sparkling reputation on the teams that I root for but the reality is that will never be the case.  Those who have questionable character will never be my favorite players on the team but when they have the opportunity to do something for my team I will root  for them to do well.  The truth is so would any fan!